apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
