I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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