ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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