So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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