you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
