i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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