Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
