If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
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