I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
