"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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