Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Let's paint friendship bongs
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
