I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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