i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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