She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
