you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
