Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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