Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
did i just pee glitter
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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