is your mom at the bar?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize