my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
