Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
