my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
