Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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