If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
