Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
