Just cropdusted the office
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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