you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize