I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
