Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
