dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
