i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
