we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
