Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
