there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.