For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES