She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Randomize
