My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
