2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
