I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
