Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
