so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
