i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
