YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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