Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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