I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
