I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Randomize
