just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Randomize
