i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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