So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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