i already hear my dad disowning me
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
