I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize