My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
