party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
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