I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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