did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
