I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize