I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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