I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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