I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
