Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
