my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
