so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
