whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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