dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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