can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
