have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
