bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I love you. Go after that dick
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
