Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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