I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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