dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
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Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
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We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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