i don't plan on having that self control this summer
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
