Where is the hickey?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
