My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
