I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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