Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
