Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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