what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
