so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
