The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
