My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
My balls are so social today.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Randomize
