Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
