last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
