his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
