So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
