Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
