butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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