broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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