walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
