i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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