thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
