Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
