I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I don't deserve a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize