i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
